Through The Eyes of Aliens

This is the title of a book by Jasmine Lee O'Neill and one of the first books I read from the Autism Victoria library after Robin was diagnosed. It's a great insight into her inner life and was the start of an education for me that will probably last a lifetime. Initially my response was to gather every bit of information that had ever been written on the subject. I devoured books by Temple Grandin, and was amazed at how she had adapted her needs as a child to making the ordeal of cattle going to slaughter so humane. I read everything and anything. This was my way of dealing with what was happening in our lives. The more I understood about this condition, the more I was going to be able to help our child.

It made me realise that Robin had effectively been dealing with a world where not only did he not speak the language, but the 'natives' sometimes could speak volumes without using any words at all! Lifting an eyebrow could alter the meaning of a whole sentence. What if you didn't notice that movement, or didn't relate it to the words? It must have been very difficult, and sometimes even now although he is 9 and is learning more about the nuances of language, his literalness will come through. 'You can say that again' - and he will. 'Cut it out' - and he might look for some scissors.

A classic one recently was my sister's friend had painted her a picture of Palm Cove, where we had just been on holiday. I had seen it but the children hadn't, I said, 'hey when you go into Auntie Karen's there's a new painting, tell me where it is.' My daughter came back and said, 'Palm Cove!' Later Robin came back and said, 'on the wall, opposite the mirror.' Now of course he was quite right. I hadn't defined the question. It's a constant learning for me to be very specific.

I have been taken to task by some Mothers with NT (or neuro typical) children of course, 'why do you want to 'label' your child?' The answer was very simple. We can't help Robin if we don't understand how he thinks and learn to speak his language, and in fact I think it was the best thing we ever did. Because Robin was diagnosed at such a young age, it meant that he got huge amounts of professional help from speech pathologists, OTs and physiotherapists all working together with us to catch up on speech, spatial awareness, endless things that we didn't realise Robin needed, before he started primary school.

By the time he was ready to start school we were armed to the teeth with reports, assessments all the things you need to get that prized creature for parents of children with special needs, an "aide". The process is very complex and we were told that we probably wouldn't get an aide with 'autism' listed as a condition, as it was too broad, better to concentrate of Robin's language difficulties. The school were very helpful and we spent a long time filling in the forms and checking that we had documentary backup for everything that went into the report.

Needless to say in true Robin form, when it came to his last speech assessment he cruised through it like a pro, totally eliminating any chance whatsoever of an aide through that particular route. We were so proud of him and how far he had come with his speech - and thought well if it comes to it we will have to pay for one ourselves. The phone call came through not long before Christmas to say that Robin had in fact been granted an aide for his start at school in February 2004. I burst into tears, I felt like we had won the lottery. Robin's aide has been a guide, friend, supporter and Robin's No. 1 fan at school. Thanks to her commitment and the fantastic teachers that he has had, now as a Year 4 student he is not only keeping up with his peers at school but beginning to shine in some areas.

Without a doubt that early diagnosis and intervention has helped Robin and ourselves to make his early start at school as easy as it could possibly have been. If we had just kept listening to the people who were telling us 'boys are different', we probably wouldn't have had any help until school. So the life lesson for me has been, if you are unsure of something, don't let other people dismiss your fears, get it checked out.